Whats that I hear? Another rant?! This is something I've been wanting to get off of my chest for a while, now that I've started up a blog it gives me the perfect opportunity to. Not long after getting engaged all those Bridezilla feelings start to appear (“Oh my gosh I don't even know where I want to get married-Oh my gosh we need to do this” etc.) I had a bit of time on my hands so began looking online for places and trying to get a grasp of what we wanted, we thought we were being quite straight forward in our plans and ideas; simple-outside, hog roast or BBQ and our taste in music-but apparently there's unspoken rules in booking a venue when you fall into the category of “quirky” and/or “different.
The first place we contacted (who I daren't name) was somewhere I must have driven past thousands of times, so when I got a call back from them I jumped at the chance to view it immediately seeing as it was just around the corner. I warned the woman (who on the phone was wonderfully polite) that I would be coming straight from work as it was the only time I would be available for another week so would be showing up in uniform. At this time I was running a dog daycare, which meant I was wearing my work T-shirt (plastered in Logo's and contact details) and had a little bit of dog hair on me despite brushing it off as well as I could. I thought about grabbing the only hoody I had with me but it was hot out and I didn't think my day of the dead hoody would be appropriate.
So we arrived smiles on our faces and entered the doors into the cafe' we agreed to meet at on the grounds. Immediately I felt out of place-everyone was at their tables, a scone and tea in hand. I soon realised that I shouldn't feel concerned, we weren't being interviewed and it was this venue that had to impress us, not the other way around. I saw a woman stride in with her clipboard and go to the counter-she was pointed in our direction and her face immediately changed. Her nose scrunched up and she lifted it in the air, this was the point where she wrote us off. Now bare in mind this is the cheapest place we actually looked at so her judgement was severely misplaced.
We then proceeded to be rushed around the gardens with her occasionally saying names of different places we were passing. I put her behaviour to the back of my mind and concentrated on taking everything in. We both asked the normal questions and asked about the possibility of having a hog roast or a BBQ for the wedding breakfast and almost had our heads bitten off with “No you cant do that! You do a sit down meal for the breakfast and if you WANT a BBQ you can have it in the evening for an extra cost.” at this point I began to question everything about planning a wedding-why couldn't we map out our day like we wanted? Instead we had to fit in to their script of what happens to a wedding. Turns out most places are like this-which I learnt after more research-despite claiming they want to make ever wedding “unique” and “original” to create our “perfect day”.
Whilst we were there I asked about how much extra a Marquee would be and I could almost hear her smirk thinking we couldn't afford what she was offering any way. She said she would have to check and I smiled and was as polite as I was the entire time. We briefly mentioned music and how that was an important aspect to us-this may have been what put the nail in the coffin when we said we wanted our taste in music to be the main genre played. FYI you will be judged for listening to any form of rock or metal.
20 minutes it took for this woman to walk us round the entire venue, and in those 20 minutes I lost all faith in a large portion of the wedding industry. She kept her goodbye short at the exit-literally it was “okay bye” I stopped her and asked if she could send us the price of the marquee's-more so for curiosity and to prove a point than anything else. To this day I have had no response back nor will I ever know how much the marquee's are...but hey since then I've found two kick ass venues willing to work to our personalities and what we want rather than what they want us to do.
I'm sure this venue would be great for someone who wants to stick to the traditional style of wedding, but for against the grain people...run...save yourselves. Now the question remains...do I email this woman and let her know that we've found somewhere both willing to cater to us and more expensive so she can stick that up her snobby nose? Plus she might learn a lesson to not judge a book by it's cover-especially if they've warned you before hand they wont be looking their normal selves. Trust me-I worked with millionaires-and they all used to show up in jeans with holes in along with their rattling cars. Not that I'm a millionaire...I bloody wish...I'd have so many more birds.
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
Why I don't care about losing weight for my wedding
Before I start I'm going to explain myself a little bit, in my opinion there is a BIG difference between encouraging people to lead a healthy life style and FAT shaming. Ive never been small, I was a chubby kid and lost weight when I was about 14 at which time I was about average size for most people my age, eventually I did gain weight again and to be honest I did struggle with the idea of it for a while. Then one day it hit me, why was I worried? I met my now fiancé' at my highest dress size so evidentially he didn’t care what size I was and to be honest if he could love me how I was, why couldn't I?
I questioned this for a while then I realised actually I wasn't too bothered about my size, I was more concerned about what other people would think about me. After this revelation I was so pleased with myself for finally accepting who I am and not torturing myself about why “I'm not losing weight”. Whether it was this that made me see things in a new light or if it was an extreme coincidence but suddenly a lot of “fat shaming” began landing in front of me.
It began with off handed comments of “when you lose weight for your wedding” or “oh well we will see how you look in that dress when you drop a size or two” suddenly I began to realise that people seem to only think you can get married if you are the picture perfect-straight off of the movie-bride. When I began saying “No I'm not too bothered about losing weight” people either looked shocked or their faces would soften with pity and I would get the “No of course not, but everyone likes to look nice on their wedding day” ultimately making anyone think that they wont look nice if they didn’t squeeze into a smaller dress. If someone wants to lose weight before their wedding-good for them! Genuinely, if they're doing it for themselves thats great-my issue is when people are guilt tripped into it or made to feel like less of a person. I'm a big believer in people being able to do what they want to do on their wedding day, so how come I'm being told I'm wrong about this? I'm not prepared to lose weight just so other people feel comfortable with me getting married.
My next point brings me to the amazing, torturous pinterest. I love pinterest-I've been using it for years and I jumped at the chance to use it for wedding planning, I have found loads of great ideas on there; however a couple of days ago on the recommended page the very first pin read “how not to look fat at your wedding” immediately I laughed borderline hysterically. What a sales technique, make an impactful title like that and get every bride to be think “oh my gosh I cant look fat on my wedding day” I've also had people tell me tales of wedding markets and how they have been cake tasting and stepped away from the stall to immediately find a weight loss stall. Women are being made to feel inadequate no matter their size just so people in the industry can make a quick buck on us panicking about whether or not we can fit into a size 8 dress. I'm not going to lose weight specifically for my wedding, and I refused to be guilt tripped into doing so. If I choose to lose weight it'll be my choice to do so and it will be for my life in general not just so people wont judge me on one day I should be happy. I wont look back on my wedding photos and remember how hungry I was for months or how much I cried on the scales every day and think “well at least my stomach looks a bit less fat but I could of done better” instead Im going to look back and remember how the night before we all went out for some food and had a great time and how I enjoyed the run up to the wedding (even the stress of it which wasn't made worse by the fact I would of sky dived naked-for a bite of a burger).
So yeah I'm just going to be me whatever size I am and I won't be depriving my fiancé' of food containing calories just so I wont crave whatever he eats (personally I think I'm quite a good cook-you can tell my the size of my ass). So if you're one of the bride to be's thats being ambushed by fad diets and fat shaming-and you're considering losing weight just ask yourself:
-Are you doing it for you or everyone else?
-Will you be happy?
Because at the end of the day It's your and your husband to be's day and not everyone else's. Now I'm going to go and eat a snack because I want to :)
I questioned this for a while then I realised actually I wasn't too bothered about my size, I was more concerned about what other people would think about me. After this revelation I was so pleased with myself for finally accepting who I am and not torturing myself about why “I'm not losing weight”. Whether it was this that made me see things in a new light or if it was an extreme coincidence but suddenly a lot of “fat shaming” began landing in front of me.
It began with off handed comments of “when you lose weight for your wedding” or “oh well we will see how you look in that dress when you drop a size or two” suddenly I began to realise that people seem to only think you can get married if you are the picture perfect-straight off of the movie-bride. When I began saying “No I'm not too bothered about losing weight” people either looked shocked or their faces would soften with pity and I would get the “No of course not, but everyone likes to look nice on their wedding day” ultimately making anyone think that they wont look nice if they didn’t squeeze into a smaller dress. If someone wants to lose weight before their wedding-good for them! Genuinely, if they're doing it for themselves thats great-my issue is when people are guilt tripped into it or made to feel like less of a person. I'm a big believer in people being able to do what they want to do on their wedding day, so how come I'm being told I'm wrong about this? I'm not prepared to lose weight just so other people feel comfortable with me getting married.
My next point brings me to the amazing, torturous pinterest. I love pinterest-I've been using it for years and I jumped at the chance to use it for wedding planning, I have found loads of great ideas on there; however a couple of days ago on the recommended page the very first pin read “how not to look fat at your wedding” immediately I laughed borderline hysterically. What a sales technique, make an impactful title like that and get every bride to be think “oh my gosh I cant look fat on my wedding day” I've also had people tell me tales of wedding markets and how they have been cake tasting and stepped away from the stall to immediately find a weight loss stall. Women are being made to feel inadequate no matter their size just so people in the industry can make a quick buck on us panicking about whether or not we can fit into a size 8 dress. I'm not going to lose weight specifically for my wedding, and I refused to be guilt tripped into doing so. If I choose to lose weight it'll be my choice to do so and it will be for my life in general not just so people wont judge me on one day I should be happy. I wont look back on my wedding photos and remember how hungry I was for months or how much I cried on the scales every day and think “well at least my stomach looks a bit less fat but I could of done better” instead Im going to look back and remember how the night before we all went out for some food and had a great time and how I enjoyed the run up to the wedding (even the stress of it which wasn't made worse by the fact I would of sky dived naked-for a bite of a burger).
So yeah I'm just going to be me whatever size I am and I won't be depriving my fiancé' of food containing calories just so I wont crave whatever he eats (personally I think I'm quite a good cook-you can tell my the size of my ass). So if you're one of the bride to be's thats being ambushed by fad diets and fat shaming-and you're considering losing weight just ask yourself:
-Are you doing it for you or everyone else?
-Will you be happy?
Because at the end of the day It's your and your husband to be's day and not everyone else's. Now I'm going to go and eat a snack because I want to :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)